pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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