I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
