Don't you send me to vm
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
