one might say we're banned from that church
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
