Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
