how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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