I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
