It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
