just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
