ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
