he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize