So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
