There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
