I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
