my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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