So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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