Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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