too bad you live with your parents still
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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