Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
