I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize