onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
