it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
