You're so nebulous sometimes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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