It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
