I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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