What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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