some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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