I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
