I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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