Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
