I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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