Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
