We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
