She is in my trunk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
