that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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