I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
