his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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