the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
