so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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