i think my tv is drunk
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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