In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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