Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently you make a good broom.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
