I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
