ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just gift wrapped bread.
He felt like a one man threesome
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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