I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
