Jerry, you need to find god
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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