I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
