I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
