she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
