can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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