i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My feet surprised me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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