how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize