Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
