I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
