I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
