His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
