maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize