Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
