I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize