just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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