maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
