I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
foreskin is a definite game changer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
