That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
