I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
