Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
