I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
