The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
