Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
