fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
