oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
