Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
