remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize